001.

2008-06-02T04:01:14Z

I think a couple of people have told me that my life would make a pretty good Lifetime movie. Have I thought about who would play the roles of my family? No. Have I thought about what events would be depicted? Yes. Would it include the time that I learned that I had a Vietnamese sister, from my dad's 3 tours in Vietnam? Oh, probably. Or the time that I saw my mom behind glass in an orange jumpsuit on tax day, because of an OUI? Sure. What about the time my dad was taken by ambulance to Boston for heart surgery and I had to rip the keys out of my drunken mother's hand, so that I wouldn't have to visit 2 parents in the emergency room? It would probably include the fact that I dropped out of high school at the beginning of my sophomore year and took a long, 5 year break before getting my GED, with high scores. It would include meeting my brother after losing him for 9 years, due to my dad leaving him for whatever reason he may have come up with along the years. Also included: I started drinking at the age of 13, y'know, going through that whole "rebellious" stage, smoking at the age of 17, stealing from the entire mall with my friends every weekend, in seventh grade. Having a boyfriend 3 years older than me for 4 years, meeting him for the first time on my 16th birthday and then never hearing from him again, finding out a year later that he was with someone else while he was visiting me.

On the other hand, it would include moving to Arizona at the age of 4 in a U-haul, with my parents and a Cocker Spaniel named Hobo, getting homesick and moving back to Maine just 6 short months later, my mother being sober for the first 10 years of my life, going to the coast every year for my birthday, back when things were somewhat normal. Falling in love with the most amazing man a little over a year ago, would play a big part in this story.

However, this is all the past. The "Now" is a little different. The "Now" consists of a mother, drunk 4 out of 7 days a week (whom I still and always will completely adore and love), a father who is somewhat mentally absent, due to 3 tours in Vietnam (whom I could not look up to more), a brother who is 30 and living with his mother and can't keep a stable relationship (whom I sometimes can't stand, but love tremendously).

The "Now" consists of a much stronger, more outspoken 20 year old woman, who is desperately in love with a hard-headed 23 year old man. The "Now" consists of finding their way out of this hell hole and beginning a life on their own. The "Now" consists of Cosmetology school and Telemarketing, of saving money and leaving the home I've known my entire life, to create my own, on my own terms.

The "Now" consists of never looking back and of never regretting, on always loving and forgiving.

the "Now" consists of Ashley and Sam and the people who drive them crazy, who love them, who make them dizzy and confused and who make them smile.

So take what you want and leave what you must.

ashley joalene.

001.